Single and Surviving the South at 40
Sunday, January 18, 2004
  I'm researching South Beach Diet recipes. I'm on the diet because single guys in their forties are afraid of fat women. They seem terrified that some woman will come along and trap them in a 7th circle of hell again. Then that woman will leave with all of their stuff (or at least half of it)....so how do they defend themselves against this possibility? They search for women I guess who don't like food. Maybe the guys think if women don't like food -- then they won't take their stuff when they leave.
  I found a ring on the bedroom floor this morning. It's pewter and looks like one of those forever braid rings...like locks of hair intertwined. I tried it on my left ring finger. It really doesn't feel right. I think I'll loose it again. My boyfriend wanted to come over for coffee this morning...I put him off until the afternoon. What am I doing in a relationship? 
  I dreamed about a guyfriend last night -- not my boyfriend. We will call him Ken. Ken played football in high school and was voted most good-looking. He married a blonde blue-eyed beauty right out of college. She is related to soft-drink family money. Lots of it. After 5 years of marriage he told her he didn't love her anymore and he left. 15 years later and Ken is still single. He hangs out with his guy buds every weekend and is battling health issues -- a brain tumor. Whenever I talk to him, I ask him how his neurologist is doing and what his blood pressure has been lately.

But in my dream he read my mind, and loved me unconditionally.

Saturday, January 17, 2004
  1/16/04 -

I met up with another single 40+er at the library today. I'll call her Jaynie. Jaynie was researching ballroom dancing locations in all the library phone books. She took up ballroom dance after her husband left her for a younger woman with a child. (Jaynei's "ex" had low sperm count and she couldn't conceive with him). It's too late for her to have children now, so she spends a lot of time dancing ballroom competition salsas and waiting for her ex to come back.

We talked about my current boyfriend (Jaynie is jealous that I have a man in my life). And we agreed that neither one of us really wants to live full-time with a guy again.

Damn. I've got to find a new plumber. My sink is leaking and the washing machine is backing up suds all over the laundry room.

Widowed at 40 - It's a flashing neon sign blinking "take advantage of me! I'm needy and I'll believe anything! I'm desperate! I get a social security check! I don't know how to use a wrench, so I'll sleep with any man who will fix my faucets without charging! " Not on your life...not this Magnolia Belle. This blog is about holding the levee against a river of loosers, cheats, theives, well-meaning relatives and sweet, personality-disordered guys. It's a hell of a ride....

01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 /

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